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BED
“Look! My fiancé has killed my baby, run off to god knows where, my best friend has stolen my suit, my wallet, my phone and I’m stood here in a council estate in the middle of Scotland wearing a dress. I just need some hope.”
All Duncan wants is his beloved Hannah back. All Amy wants is to find a rich, caring man to marry her. One rainy, hungover morning in deepest Inverness, one of their dreams is set to come true. A love story, set in the midst of much confusion.
Published by One Act Play Depot, 2009
Buy online: http://oneactplays.net/bed.html
CRACKERJOKE WRITER
“What a life though, hey? Live in squalor; get tripped over daily as a child for having half-mast trousers, try to break free from the 9-5 restraint by degrading yourself on stage and the result? I get to spend the rest of my life in a small room eating biscuits with a nutcase.”
What's the strongest fish in the sea? The Muscle! If you think that's bad, you haven't heard anything yet. Crackerjoke Writer is a cautionary tale for all the would-be comedians out there - know your limits or the 'comedy pit' awaits, where the only way out is to be genuinely funny.
Published by Lazy Bee Scripts, 2008
Buy online: http://www.lazybeescripts.co.uk/OneActPlays/Crackerjoke_Writer.htm
FRANK’S AIM IS TRUE
“Look, if this is more talk about Diana, I really don’t want to hear it now. I agree, Diana is lovely girl, but she’s lovely in a ‘smiling happy face from non-emergency ward, let me spray you with deep-heat’ kind of way, not in a sexual relationship kind of way. No more Diana, okay? I don’t want to hear any more about Diana. I just want to listen to Elvis Costello.”
Chip-shop assistant Frank has issues; he often believes he's Elvis Costello. But with the regional takeaway finals looming that soon becomes the least of his problems ... A lively, original comedy about musical obsession, love and fried fish.
Published by Limelight Scripts, 2007
GROWING UP WITH MARTIN
“It’s difficult being a 24 year old man you know. So many decisions, career pamphlets, the ever growing feeling that time is running out. You see, us 24 year olds spend so much time wandering what is good for us that suddenly, we’re 25, or 26, or 40. You know, I really can’t wait till I retire. I can just watch over all the youngsters getting flustered and itchy about decisions, whilst I just sit there in my comfortable rocking chair, stinking of piss and shouting ‘bugger’ at people.”
Martin is twenty four, living in a rented flat with his girlfriend, and working at the bottom of the corporate ladder in an accounting firm run by his Mum and Dad. He's frustrated by his lowly position, but equally annoyed by the idea that he should have to exert himself to get on in life. In the course of one day we see him downtrodden, turn a corner and find a new goal, just to have one of the dearest things snatched from him.
Published by Lazy Bee Scripts, 2007
Buy online: http://www.lazybeescripts.co.uk/OneActPlays/Growing_Up_With_Martin.htm
